EXT – Outside some encircled huts in the heart of the owl-people’s village, Chuck and Gladly are tied to sticks covered in spiced leaves ready to be thrown over the smouldering spores of the fire in the centre of the village.
Chuck “I fucking hate you Glad, if it wasn’t for your little spat I’d be throwing up after a swift portal to Dalaran and flogging some hallucinogenic plants to a sweaty goblin.”
One of the owl acolytes praying to the bird god stops meditating to smack Chuck around the face with some palm leaves for talking.
Gladly “Seriously Chuck, you’ve spent most of this journey heckling my life choices when the only learning you’ve ever done was how to stop seeing laughing bears after a dwarf mountain mead session.
AND YOU WANT TO BLAME ME CAUSE YOU GOT US CLOCKED BY BIRDMEN WHILST SLAGGING OFF THEIR COOKING METHODS?!? CONGRATU-FUCKING-LATIONS CHUCK NOW WE’RE BOTH THE MAIN COURSE!”
The owl acolyte stops praying again to smack Gladly around the face with the leaves. Gladly reacts angrily.
Gladly “Ahhh piss off ya nocturnal grub-eater!”
Gets smacked around the face again.
Chuck “Well done Glad for your analytical criticism of a primitive culture, I’m sure they can take a lot of pointers from that. I wouldn’t normally entertain your snobbery but I’ve tasted a few of these spiced feathers and I take back the oil insult completely. They’re the tits.”
Chuck gets smacked and spits on the palm leaves as he does, Gladly doesn’t notice.
Gladly “You know what Chuck? I’m bored of your condescending ways. Here I am trying to think of ways to escape our gourmet death and you’re more concerned with….”
Gladly gets smacked and Chuck spits in his direction but it hits the leaves as they land on his face.
Gladly “Fucking?!….was that fucking aimed at me?!? I’M DONE WITH YOU CHUCK! TO THINK I LET YOU PULL ME OUT OF HERBALISM SCHOOL FOR YOUR ‘FIELD RESEARCH’! YOU JUST WANTED ME AS A DRUG MULE AND WHEN WE MEET IN THE NEXT LIFE I’M GONNA FORCE-FEED YOU THAT SPICE UNTIL YOU BLOW UP LIKE A PIDGEON!”
Gladly gets smacked a final time and Chuck spits again towards him hitting the leaves, the acolyte then places the leaves on the fire as the meditation finishes. The leaves ignite on the fire and create an infernal wave that begins to spread around the camp and slowly towards them.
Chuck “HAHAHA I know flammable shit when I taste it!”
Gladly “Fantastic Chuck you’ve sped up our demise!
Gladly begins coughing and spluttering.
Chuck “Look around you gonk all the owls are pissing off, don’t know if you noticed but they can’t afford to become a bunch of fire Pokemon and like birds of a feather they stick together”
Gladly “I can’t…I can’t see anything! That spice shit blew up in me face! Are you making bird puns right now?!”
Chuck “Shut up and go backwards until you can’t feel your other arm too, Shattrah City we’re on a roll!”
Gladly “I really do hate you Chuck, wait why were they gonna cook us in these spices if they blow up on fires?”
Chuck “That’s your problem Glad you overthink everything, now c’mon I’ve got a goblin to disappoint.”
Chuck starts singing the chorus to “Burning for No One” by The Cribs.