EXT – Gloomy blue swamp area with a lagoon lay in front of Chuck and Gladly
Gladly “We could be here all frigging day Chuck, I don’t care if you’re curious about how to finger a fish-lass. I’VE GOT NO FUCKING LEFT ARM CAUSE IT’S STILL NUMB!”
Chuck “Have a little calm down chat to yourself Glad, we tried sniffing a sporebat and that was trial and error, you would have been fine if I got that plant jelly from the cave but instead, I spent the last 6 hours as a frog. You know how hard it is to focus on anything as a frog? Me eyes were never looking at the same fucking thing!”
Gladly “Don’t talk to me about hard Chuck I’m the one that had to grab your little slimy arse from the jaws of a Felboar that you threw on its back like a turtle and kicked in the snout as a parting gift, then proceed to run with one floppy arm whilst the other stopped you from leaping towards one of them massive worms all the way to Zangarmarsh like Forrest Gump with Cerebral Palsy.”
Chuck “If you’d rather stand around here bitching all day about how for once in your life you looked a dick that’s up to you, I was a frog for too long, I need to feel human again. I’m gonna finger something.”
A distant possibly disembodied sensual female voice tells Chuck and Gladly to dive into the lagoon for the promise of eternal power and love if only they help repopulate the voice’s species of mer-people with a choice of any number of their females.
Chuck “That’s my queue mate mind how ya go.”
Gladly “What?! Are you bloody serious?! You still haven’t found a cure for my arm and some weird gypsy druid nicked your bag that your mum knitted for you!”
Chuck “You said that bag looked deformed anyway, your words ‘If Sloth from the Goonies shagged a charity shop tea cozy that bag would be the baby’. Plus you’ve made a fundamental blunder there mate gypsy and druids are two separate things, one sells plants, and the other fairground rides.”
Gladly “Well you can debate that whilst a naga slave-driver pretending to be a sexy siren is pegging you in its underwater F shack. Best of luck to ya I’ll find my own cure.”
Chuck starts to take off all his clothes overly excited whilst singing to himself.
Chuck “Blue lagooooonnn, you saw me standing with a bone, with a romp in my heart, without a boar up me arse.”
Gladly sees a nearby sporebat and remembers that the shaman told him to find one, he runs in its direction. Chuck’s head re-emerges from the water.
Chuck “Eeerrr Glad? Where ya gone mate? Cause it’s just a massive naga bloke down here with a smacker of a strap-on.”